So horrible was the dream I found myself in last night that when I woke up I thought to myself, ‘Well, that’s my day ruined. Might as well just stay here.’ But I knew I’d end up stewing in my despair, and then that despair would end up bleeding into tomorrow and I’d spend tomorrow being a miserable fuck too. So I got up.
Like the tide, the dream kept coming back (the worst ones always do, don’t they?) so I thought that, instead of writing about what I was going to write about – the complicated relationship I have with my face – I thought posting something ‘joyful’ would help me ease up and maybe slow down the incessant dreadful feelings I was sinking deep into.
So I decided to create a vision wall. I’ve been meaning to piece one together for months but I’ve been putting it off, saying to myself ‘Time is precious, and I don’t know where the blu tack is…and it takes ages to stick everything up…and…*insert another shitty excuse here.*’
Turns out the blu tack wasn’t difficult to find, and I enjoyed (very much actually) the process of choosing the postcards, pictures and photos that were speaking to me the loudest, then arranging them on the wall above my writing desk. It was a thoroughlygood use of my time.
Now whenever I look up from whatever sentence I’m wrangling with, I’m greeted with imagery that invigorates my heart, reminds me of why I do what I do, and inspires me to keep moving North, until I get to a place cold enough to call home.
*A Place Cold Enough To Call Home – I think I’ll have to use this as a book title.
What I Listened To While Writing This Post
I started off listening to First Aid’s Kit cover of Fever Ray’s When I Grow Up which was nice. Then I thought I’d listen to some more First Aid Kit, which was not a good idea. It just made me really sad.