I deactivated my Instagram account several days ago with the belief that I was done for good. I was so tired, so, so tired of feeling like shit almost immediately after logging in. I was also tired of the narcissism. Instagram is a breeding place for it.
But I’m aware that it was me who was making me feel like shit. You see, I had this terrible habit. This habit which I think is really easy for many of us to fall into, especially those of us with quite low self-esteem…
…a habit of continuing to look, day after day, at profiles which contributed to my depression, and made me do nothing but belittle myself. The belittling came in many forms, from the ridiculous to the tragic. But as I said, the pain was of my own making. I was the one looking at the images, no one was making me. But it was toxic, friends, toxic. A terrible addiction and I needed to quit it.
Today I made the decision to put it up again, the account that I had come to despise. Because I know there’s decent, like-minded souls out there, who aren’t so interested in pouting into the camera on a live video or doing everything for the sex appeal.
I knew that if I continued with my old behaviour, it would only worsen my mental health. So for my sanity, I intend to just give my time to people whose art I find enriching. People who write important things and make me think in new patterns. People who live lives that I can be inspired by in deep and meaningful ways.
I will ONLY look at profiles which made me feel happy to be existing. Profiles which don’t make me look at myself in disgust, or shame myself or feel nothing but hatred.
If you are finding yourself in something like the same situation as I was in, I suggest you stop looking at/following those profiles which make you feel like a lesser human being right now. It’s not easy, you’ll probably relapse a few times, but persevere and it will be worth it. My head already feels lighter.
To round off, I want to share with you some of the profiles which inspire, and evoke nothing but good feelings in me. These woman make Instagram feel like somewhere I can be spiritually happy and creatively influenced.