100 Days Of Blogging #12 – Some Good Things I Did For Myself Today

Some Good Things I Did For Myself Today

Finding the right way to say everything isn’t alright is hard. So I’m just going to put the first part of a message I wrote to a friend earlier today because it sort of sums up what’s going on with me at this point in time: Life is quite the mindfuck at the moment, and I’m not dealing with it very well, unsurprisingly! I’m not happy with what a muddle my existence seems to be, but I don’t know how to start sorting it out. 

So I’m trying to be kinder to myself and do things I know are good for me. Which is also hard. But here are some things I managed today. *I just gave myself a small round of applause because I fucking deserve one.* 

I Tore Up My ‘No Carbs After 2.30pm’ Tracker

I’ve been feeling heavy recently and extremely uncomfortable with my body and face (as per, right?). So I’ve been thinking of cutting down my carb intake again because whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I really do not like what I see looking back at me. I struggle very much with the idea that someone can find me attractive. But fucking hell, I want to be done with it, this constant worry about my humanness. I do not want to feel like a failure if I’m hungry at 11.45pm and have a bowl of Weetabix with some demerara sugar. End of. 

I Made Myself A Chai Latte

I bought a jar of chai latte mix a few weeks ago and have only used it once because I’m really good at punishing myself for no good reason. When my bank balance was in a healthier place, I sometimes treated myself to one in town as a reward for going into town. (I don’t like going into town.) But because money is limited, I bought a jar for £2.80, which provides sixteen servings and costs less than a single chai latte in Café Nero. This afternoon, after my grim pilgrimage into town, I made myself a chai with soya milk, and I enjoyed every single fucking second of that hot beverage. I even, I EVEN contemplated having a second one.

I Ate Lots Of Vegetables

When my mood is low, preparing food is an effort, as in, a humungous effort. This evening, I wondered if dinner could be made up of rice cakes with peanut butter and some yoghurt…but I gave myself a talking to about the importance of good food when experiencing low mood. I cooked up half a bag of spinach and runner beans to go with my vegan sausages and munched about half a cucumber. While my mood didn’t magically improve with my ingestion of some greens, I felt a smidge victorious.