I Need To Start Over

The other day, somebody told me that I ‘suck at conversation.’ Despite thinking ‘that’s a bit rude…’ I whispered to myself, ‘yeah, I know.’ Since this depressive episode started over a year ago, I’ve struggled massively to have deep, meaningful, satisfying conversations. Depression has made me dumb, uninteresting and quiet. Very, very, very quiet.

Last year, bit by bit, my identity as a passionate creative who was forever learning, started to wither. I couldn’t remember the titles of my favourite songs, or all the different names a polar bear has or any of the content of the book I’d last read. This became progressively worse until my brain was pretty much vacant. And that’s how my brain is today…uninhabited. All of the knowledge I’ve gathered over the years, gone.

I need to rebuild my life and that thought is daunting. My mother said I should try and see it as something exciting, but it’s challenging. My end goal is to live a simple life in a cabin in the far north, and I’ll do anything I need to in order to achieve that. Though I can’t help but feel that it’s what I need right now.

6 thoughts on “I Need To Start Over”

  1. It’s a long, slow process to rebuild. But then one day you hear a song that actually gives you a spark of pleasure and things start to open up a little.

  2. I often find that sometimes there just isn’t the energy to connect with others, even when you want to. I hope you are well, best wishes as always, Katerina Neocleous

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s